So, yesterday was basically awesome. I woke up to my mom wanting me to help her with a conference call because her computer crashed and she was using a computer with Ubuntu, and didn't know how to work it. I noticed quickly that I had two missed calls and a text message. After helping my mom with what she needed, I headed by to my room to check the calls and the messages.
Lo and behold it was one of my amazing friends who was having housing issues. Her friend who owns a house and was letting her live there is getting married in about two weeks, so she had to move out. A friend of mine was letting her crash on her couch while she was in between housing situations. This past week my parents offered her a place to stay for a certain amount of rent. She had decided on staying at my friend's house, which was perfectly fine by me.
Her text said, "Hannah, when you wake up, please call me. It's an emergency." I immediately called her, the good friend I am. She had gotten kicked out of my friends house by the wronchy landlady. So, she had nowhere to go. All of her family is down south, and she asked if she could have somewhere to stay. Our housing situation is such that she and I have to share a room for about a month. I'm sure she probably minds. But she's being exceptionally wonderful about it. I feel bad that I can't offer her a clean house and a room of her own for a little while. I'm working on it. My parents are absolutely incredible for opening their doors to a complete stranger to them, but such a wonderful friend to me. Okay, not a complete stranger. They've met her before. But only briefly.
I feel bad that instead of helping her move in yesterday I had to spend the day organizing my things so she would be able to take half of my room. I know it's not enough space for her. But it's all I can do for the next month, or however long it takes my brother-in-law to move out. I hope it's no longer than that.
After she moved in, we sat in our room and talked. It was so nice to have someone that I could do that with. She is seriously the most amazing person I have ever met in my life. She's been through so much, and yet she is so full of love for everyone and everything. Honestly, I hope I can pick up some of her amazing awesomeness while she lives here.
I'm very grateful to Heavenly Father to place me in her life at this time so that I can help her. It sounds kinda selfish, but without her being in this situation, I wouldn't be able to offer my services in this way to someone. I'd probably be terrified to do it as an adult. And now, my parents show me the most charity I have ever seen in my life. I love my family. I don't even mind that she comes in at 4 am and gets up for work before I can even think straight. She's absolutely incredible. No words can describe how wonderful she is.
I hope I can learn to be half as amazing as she is.
Oh, and today, I was telling a good friend of mine how she and I are literally sharing a room. I was disappointed for the first question out of her mouth was, "Is she paying rent? How much?" I mean, seriously. She didn't have anywhere to go. I'm not going to turn her away because she can't afford your $350 a month rent, car payment, and gas. I'm not going to be snotty because she doesn't have family financial support like you do. I'm not going to turn her away if she can't pay rent. But that's NOT your business in the first place. So I answered her questions by saying that was between my parents and her. If she wants to tell them, that's fine. I won't tell them. I don't think it's their business.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Another blog to gather my thoughts.
So, I've felt a little bit forsaken by my girl friends recently. And yet, I feel I've never been closer to my guy friends. Seriously. I've never been big on texting guys, but I've text more of them in the past three days that I think I ever have in my life. It's like I always thought: I get along better with guys. I'm the type that could be a really good friend to basically any guy. Pretty awesome, right? Well, except for the dating scene, because then everyone considers you a friend and overlooks you.
I have found truth in the statement that men are jerks, but women are cruel. I can tell when people don't like me. I can tell when people are being friendly to me for the sake of being friendly. And I can tell when people are genuine. It's hard for me. I know I'm not the most beautiful woman to most people. I think that's why I've found I'm so accepting of people. The misfits tend to stick together, and have a better time. But honestly, actions speak louder than words.
I find it hard choosing the better part most of the time. I'd like to whine and cry and scream at the top of my lungs, hurt other people like they hurt me all the time. But I know it's not what Christ would do.
"He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
I have found truth in the statement that men are jerks, but women are cruel. I can tell when people don't like me. I can tell when people are being friendly to me for the sake of being friendly. And I can tell when people are genuine. It's hard for me. I know I'm not the most beautiful woman to most people. I think that's why I've found I'm so accepting of people. The misfits tend to stick together, and have a better time. But honestly, actions speak louder than words.
I find it hard choosing the better part most of the time. I'd like to whine and cry and scream at the top of my lungs, hurt other people like they hurt me all the time. But I know it's not what Christ would do.
"He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
¶Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." -Isaiah 53:3-5
I've always loved that scripture. And it helps me when I realize that the Son of Man hath descended below all things. The condescension of the Savior of the World is so vast we cannot comprehend it. What little thing it is to have someone turn against us, when His own people turn against Him and crucified Him?
So, I've found out what was bothering me. Any tips or suggestions on trying to deal with these people other than by smiting them with kindness would be greatly appreciated. Given, please try to keep the suggestions legal. I never know about some of you...
Friday, March 11, 2011
Dreamland...
So, I entitled this blog dreamland, since I don't have one of the keys on my keyboard for the other title I would have given it.
I've noticed myself having precognition recently. It seems to come when I'm living my life the right way. It's a little bit freaky though, because how it happens is, I'll be writing in my journal and I see the words on the page before I write them. I'll be typing in my book, and I'll see a page full of text when I start a brand new page. I'll call someone I never have before and I'll hear their voice, saying a few words, exactly as it sounds when it happens.
I think it might be Heavenly Father's way of letting me know that I'm doing the right things. That my life is on the right track. At least, that's what I like to think. I also think of how we were tutored on everything we do here, in the mortal world, in the pre-mortal life.
I think that's why my dreams come true. I think I've been through everything I'm going through. Which is something random to try to wrap your brain around. But when I see events from my day in the previous night's dream... It gives me so much to think about. How wonderful Heavenly Father is for preparing me for the events of my day!
I'm going to a nice devotional tomorrow morning, and I'm really looking forward to it. After, I'm going to the Temple, whether or not anyone comes with me. I need the peace the Temple brings into my life. And I have a lot of reasons for needing the blessings of the Temple. One of my good childhood friend's aunt is really sick. She has a disease that takes more lives than breast cancer, and it has an incredibly quick onset. If she recovers, the doctors say it'll be a year before she returns. So, everyone who reads this, pray for this woman. I only know that her name is Mary, and that she's in Ohio. We need to get as many prayers going her way as possible.
I've noticed myself having precognition recently. It seems to come when I'm living my life the right way. It's a little bit freaky though, because how it happens is, I'll be writing in my journal and I see the words on the page before I write them. I'll be typing in my book, and I'll see a page full of text when I start a brand new page. I'll call someone I never have before and I'll hear their voice, saying a few words, exactly as it sounds when it happens.
I think it might be Heavenly Father's way of letting me know that I'm doing the right things. That my life is on the right track. At least, that's what I like to think. I also think of how we were tutored on everything we do here, in the mortal world, in the pre-mortal life.
I think that's why my dreams come true. I think I've been through everything I'm going through. Which is something random to try to wrap your brain around. But when I see events from my day in the previous night's dream... It gives me so much to think about. How wonderful Heavenly Father is for preparing me for the events of my day!
I'm going to a nice devotional tomorrow morning, and I'm really looking forward to it. After, I'm going to the Temple, whether or not anyone comes with me. I need the peace the Temple brings into my life. And I have a lot of reasons for needing the blessings of the Temple. One of my good childhood friend's aunt is really sick. She has a disease that takes more lives than breast cancer, and it has an incredibly quick onset. If she recovers, the doctors say it'll be a year before she returns. So, everyone who reads this, pray for this woman. I only know that her name is Mary, and that she's in Ohio. We need to get as many prayers going her way as possible.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Random Rambling the First
I feel so filled with love for my fellow mankind right now. It seems very random, especially since I've felt so little love from them recently. Maybe it's the fact that I'm planning on setting up two of my friends on a semi-blind date. And it wasn't my idea. It was one of them. I wouldn't set anyone up if I had the choice. And apparently I'm in charge of this date. And I have to ask someone out too? I don't know how well this is going to go over. I've been mulling over who I should ask and I don't know. I have a hard time finding someone I know of that doesn't have too many problems... Well, what I would consider problems. I've become extremely picky in my dating choices of late. And I'm so sick of it that I don't even want to try anymore. But I have a feeling that I'm always going to have to be the one who asks the first date. I don't care though. I'll make them be the gentleman though. Open doors for me, pick me up, drive, pull out seats for me, walk next to the road, should we walk anywhere that involves a road. You know. Chivalrous stuff.
I think we're going to play Wal-Mart Scavenger Hunt. It's a fun game. Each couple has 20 minutes to find 5 items in Wal-Mart and write them down for the other couples to retrieve (the more couples the better), then the first couple to retrieve the items wins. You have to keep it clean though. It's not fun when people feel awkward. And they have to be smallish items. And nothing that involves the help of a Wal-Mart employee to retrieve. Because, lets face it: Wal-Mart employees aren't the greatest when it comes to customer service. Then maybe dinner after/before. I don't know. I'm really bad at planning dates, since I haven't ever been on a good one. Ha ha. My friend Cami and I were talking tonight and it appears that we need to share our horrific dating stories.
While I'm in no rush to get married, I will be grateful when this rotten dating part of my life is over. I mean, I'm still VERY young. I am NOT an old maid, however much the Utah view of marriage skews things.
I think we're going to play Wal-Mart Scavenger Hunt. It's a fun game. Each couple has 20 minutes to find 5 items in Wal-Mart and write them down for the other couples to retrieve (the more couples the better), then the first couple to retrieve the items wins. You have to keep it clean though. It's not fun when people feel awkward. And they have to be smallish items. And nothing that involves the help of a Wal-Mart employee to retrieve. Because, lets face it: Wal-Mart employees aren't the greatest when it comes to customer service. Then maybe dinner after/before. I don't know. I'm really bad at planning dates, since I haven't ever been on a good one. Ha ha. My friend Cami and I were talking tonight and it appears that we need to share our horrific dating stories.
While I'm in no rush to get married, I will be grateful when this rotten dating part of my life is over. I mean, I'm still VERY young. I am NOT an old maid, however much the Utah view of marriage skews things.
Friday, March 4, 2011
My Thoughts on Love
So, recently, I've had to figure out what love is. Here's what I found:
Love can be unconditional. Some people don't deserve love, and yet it's there. It's always there. Especially the love of our Savior and our Heavenly Father.
There are people who you think you're close to. People you love. And they don't love you the same way. They'll trample all over you, crush your heart to pieces, and rip out all the remaining pieces in order to do it again.
Then, there are others who are met under seemingly crazy random happenstances that you feel so connected to. Those people are always there for you, even when you don't want them to be. Those are the people who tend to need to see our love and appreciation more than anyone else, and yet they see it the least.
There are those who you've spent your entire life trying to show your love to, and they turn your back on it. And they don't care that it hurts you. But you love them anyway.
There are people who feign love. These are those people who tend to hurt others in the most acute way possible. These people are good at what they do. They draw you in with smiles and stories of how they love you. But the moment you get too close to them, their love turns into a fire of hatred and bitterness.
There are people who have been part of your life for years, and you never realized how much you loved them until circumstances have placed them into your path in order to help you along the way. And then you wonder how you could have ever not loved them the way you do now.
There are those in your life that want to be apart of your life. The ones who want to love you, but you don't give them the chance to.
There are people you can't stand to live with but can't stand to be without.
Some people you love so much that when something happens to them, it rips your heart out, as if it happened to you. You would do anything to ease their burdens, if they would let you. And when they get sick you would do anything for them. You wish the illness had never taken ahold of them, and would have taken you instead. And I have been blessed in my life to be surrounded by this love. This is how I want to be remembered--as a woman who loved everyone unconditionally.
Overall, love is a thing that needs to be worked at. And I can only do so much on my own.
I love you all.
Love can be unconditional. Some people don't deserve love, and yet it's there. It's always there. Especially the love of our Savior and our Heavenly Father.
There are people who you think you're close to. People you love. And they don't love you the same way. They'll trample all over you, crush your heart to pieces, and rip out all the remaining pieces in order to do it again.
Then, there are others who are met under seemingly crazy random happenstances that you feel so connected to. Those people are always there for you, even when you don't want them to be. Those are the people who tend to need to see our love and appreciation more than anyone else, and yet they see it the least.
There are those who you've spent your entire life trying to show your love to, and they turn your back on it. And they don't care that it hurts you. But you love them anyway.
There are people who feign love. These are those people who tend to hurt others in the most acute way possible. These people are good at what they do. They draw you in with smiles and stories of how they love you. But the moment you get too close to them, their love turns into a fire of hatred and bitterness.
There are people who have been part of your life for years, and you never realized how much you loved them until circumstances have placed them into your path in order to help you along the way. And then you wonder how you could have ever not loved them the way you do now.
There are those in your life that want to be apart of your life. The ones who want to love you, but you don't give them the chance to.
There are people you can't stand to live with but can't stand to be without.
Some people you love so much that when something happens to them, it rips your heart out, as if it happened to you. You would do anything to ease their burdens, if they would let you. And when they get sick you would do anything for them. You wish the illness had never taken ahold of them, and would have taken you instead. And I have been blessed in my life to be surrounded by this love. This is how I want to be remembered--as a woman who loved everyone unconditionally.
Overall, love is a thing that needs to be worked at. And I can only do so much on my own.
I love you all.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
You fill up my senses...
I've had a lot of John Denver stuck in my head recently. I love Annie's Song. The lyrics are thus:
You fill up my senses
Like a night in a forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again
Come let me love you
Let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter
Let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you
Let me always be with you
Come let me love you
Come love me again
It repeats some of the words.
I'm in a foul mood tonight. I want to cry and scream at the same time, and I think the crying part is winning because I don't want to scream and wake up my family. I honestly don't know why I'm so upset. I feel hurt and betrayed. Tonight wasn't the best, but I never have felt so hurt after something like this happened. And I worked it out. I was in a place tonight that brought back some rotten memories. I want to scream right now. It shouldn't hurt anymore. And yet it does. My heart yanks out of me every single time I'm reminded of it. It doesn't help that the guy I'm interested didn't talk much to me tonight. That might have helped. No, it wouldn't have. I really need a good guy friend to talk to. And I don't have one anymore.
I've decided that I'm going to hide in a hole for a little while. At least until it doesn't hurt anymore. It's ironic that I want to talk to a guy about my guy problems, isn't it? It's because while a guy hurt me, stomped all over my heart and whatnot, it's men who can comfort me the best. Women try to one up. Men call each other names, even if they don't know the person. Women want to hold a pity party. I'd much prefer to get it out and get it over with.
So yeah. That was fun. At least I know what's bothering me now.
You fill up my senses
Like a night in a forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again
Come let me love you
Let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter
Let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you
Let me always be with you
Come let me love you
Come love me again
It repeats some of the words.
I'm in a foul mood tonight. I want to cry and scream at the same time, and I think the crying part is winning because I don't want to scream and wake up my family. I honestly don't know why I'm so upset. I feel hurt and betrayed. Tonight wasn't the best, but I never have felt so hurt after something like this happened. And I worked it out. I was in a place tonight that brought back some rotten memories. I want to scream right now. It shouldn't hurt anymore. And yet it does. My heart yanks out of me every single time I'm reminded of it. It doesn't help that the guy I'm interested didn't talk much to me tonight. That might have helped. No, it wouldn't have. I really need a good guy friend to talk to. And I don't have one anymore.
I've decided that I'm going to hide in a hole for a little while. At least until it doesn't hurt anymore. It's ironic that I want to talk to a guy about my guy problems, isn't it? It's because while a guy hurt me, stomped all over my heart and whatnot, it's men who can comfort me the best. Women try to one up. Men call each other names, even if they don't know the person. Women want to hold a pity party. I'd much prefer to get it out and get it over with.
So yeah. That was fun. At least I know what's bothering me now.
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