Have you ever looked back...

... And realized what a HUGE bullet you dodged by NOT marrying someone? It's happened to me twice this past month.

First with Mike. He has a track record already... And something tells me that track record is bound to continue, unless he decides to come back to the gospel.

Then today, I found out that Paul got a divorce. Thank all that is good that it wasn't me!

Heavenly Father has truly blessed me by having me wait for the right man. And who knows? Maybe I've finally found him. We'll see how things play out here over the next few months. There certainly is potential... :)

When I put my faith in Him the truth begins to speak...

How glorious this Sabbath day has been! How I wish to shout to the world the wonders of the restored Gospel!

I have been keeping good track of my blood sugars and diabetes in general, so I decided it was time for me to truly fast like a normal person. I didn't make it as long as I would have liked to, but I did make it the two meals I was supposed to. And I could not feel more blessed than I do right now.

I received a blessing voiced by my Bishop today... there was so much said in that blessing that it kinda felt like a second Patriarchal Blessing, except I don't get a copy of that one. The words spoken were so glorious and wonderful, that there is no doubt in my mind that I am where I need to be right now.

Then, tonight, there was a fireside put on by the missionaries. Beautiful words spoken by beautiful people who have been baptized by water and by fire. You can see their testimonies burning in their eyes.

My faith has been strengthened more than I thought possible over the course of the past 24 hours. And I am very grateful for that.

I have the opportunity to go to the Houston Temple for the first time this Friday. I'm going with my good friend Brianna Hulme. I'm so grateful to have friends I can go to the temple with. I'm so grateful I'm associating with the correct people here.

My Heavenly Father truly loves me.

Not a rebound. This is legit.

So, I like someone. A lot. So much so that I know I wasn't looking for it-it hit me like a 2x4 over the head-so therefore, not a rebound.

He's super sweet. I think he's close to 30. Very handsome. Taller than me.

All of which will probably equal out to me having zero chance with him. But I was so twitterpated tonight after seeing him and talking to him that I felt like vomiting.

I really like him. What do I do?

Hello, my name is Hannah... I'm a recovering addict...

I will have been Mike-free for an entire week as of tonight. It's been difficult, but it has been bearable. He was my best friend for 7.5 months though, so it's understandable why it's been so rough. I still wish I meant anything to him though... I know at one time, I did... But that time has long since passed...

I'm just grateful for good friends that are helping me through this. I can't wait for the hurt to heal.

Which, I know it's finally starting to heal, because I actually had fun at fhe last night. I had fun and enjoyed myself greatly.

The only problem I've been having is I've been getting really bad nightmares. Really, really, really terrifying nightmares. So bad that I physically will find myself shouting in order to wake myself up. And the weight that is on my chest, that always prevents me from doing so, gets heavier each time I have one of these nightmares.

They come every time I find myself more devoted to living the gospel and serving the Lord. Obviously, it's important that I stay committed to the gospel right now... Why else would I be having these dreams at the time I have them?

Whoever reads this... Please keep me in your prayers... The power of prayer is so amazing, and I know it will help me.

Yeah, I finally did it...

I finally unfriended and blocked Mike on facebook. Yeah, I  blocked him once before, but my resolve didn't last more than 24 hours. This one has to last. Because I was a jerk to him, and I'm sure he will never speak to me again for what I said...

I told him we could never work because he doesn't know how to feel. He says he wants to find love but he couldn't recognize it staring him in the face for the past 7.5 months... And that he doesn't let his feelings sink in long enough to actually feel them...

There was a time when he and I could have been married, and things would have been well. But he changed. Maybe things would have been different if we would have been able to spend more time together in person. Maybe not. But what is done is done this time...

I haven't yet blocked his number. Part of me is curious to see if he'll come crawling back to me when his relationship fails, and the rest of his life falls apart. It's not that I want his life to fall apart, I just know how unstable he is and am a realist...

But what am I supposed to do if he does come crawling back? I can't have him hurt me again. No. I'm going to tell him that if he needs me, he needs to prove it and change... Which I know he is adamantly against... So it will be my way of telling him off. Yeah. I can do that. I hope.

The biggest problem I appear to be having is the fact that I can't hate him. No, even after all the crap he put me through, I still love him. I don't consider it a sign of weakness. No, I consider it an act of charity. And I don't care if he sees it the same way or not.