Do you ever feel stuck?

I sure do.  Right this very moment.

I found out I can't start school until at the very least November.  My parents won't give me their tax information so I can file my fafsa.  So, I'm not starting school this fall.

I can't find employment because of my sister.  Still.  I've been raising Kyle all this time.  I found out that it's going to be my responsibility to take him to school somewhere in Ogden every day.  And pick him up.  Because Crissy is so adamant about her son going to Ogden Preparatory Academy and not Freedom Elementary like normal kids.  I could walk him there and that wouldn't be a big deal.  But no.

And I've been playing chauffeur with there only being one car available.  My dad has been leaving the Ford down at his work and taking the company van home, to save us some money on gas.  But it's greatly hindering me looking for work.

My parents are trying to refinance their house and the credit rating of the US tanked.  Awesome, right?  Not so much.

I don't see how we're going to be able to afford half of the things that are coming our way.  And I'm rather upset about it.

I feel like I should be helping out.  Not being a stay-at-home mother to everyone in my family. 

I want to be able to go to school.  I want to do cosmetology.  I want to work in a chop shop and make a little bit of money so that I can set some money aside for rainy days, like I should be able to right now.  I'm an able bodied 22 year old.  I want to move out.  I want to take care of myself.  And only myself.

Okay, so that's not entirely true.  But I'm exceptionally frustrated at my situation right now.

And I don't see a way out of it.

And I'm really frustrated that my grandparents think that I'm never going to have an offer of marriage because they think me old at the age of 22. 

I can't wait until Angie gets here and we can escape for a little while.  How I wish I could start all over some times and never look back.

But, alas, I cannot.

I have responsibilities that create an impossibility for me to work outside the home.  And I'm not motivated enough to own my own company, to work INSIDE my home.

And while I've edited a textbook before, I can't do that here.

A couple of weeks ago, I would have told you my life was about to change for the better.

Now, I'm not so sure.

Everything keeps piling up.

One thing.

Then another.

And another.

I don't know that it will ever end.

Do I want it to?

And here I am, exactly where I was a month ago.

And it terrifies me.

No one should think about these things.

No one should feel this way.

And yet, I do.