It's really difficult to go to something like a charity auction when you have no money whatsoever. It's a horrible feeling when you have no money when people around you are buying things left and right.
They say that it's not about the money, but it is. Everyone judges the person who isn't buying anything. Everyone thinks they're the snob who doesn't give to charity. Or, they know your situation and still judge you in other, even less charitable ways.
It's impossible to be charitable in the state of Utah. Everyone is looking for the praise of others, not doing things the way Christ would... To be seen of man, and not of God. Did not Christ himself warn us of the hypocrisy of the pharisees? How they pray on the streets and in their synogogs to be seen of others... And then He told us that our Father, who seeth in secret shall reward us openly.
I feel like I'm very blessed to have lived back East, where hospitality is extended to everyone: not just members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I would really like this position in Maryland, so I can observe it once again first hand.
This Sunday will be my last time playing the organ for my congregation, if I get this position. Bittersweet, but I'm excited for a new ward with new opportunities.
But then, there's the one thing that is holding me back, and my conversation with him yesterday didn't help. I flat out asked him, even though he isn't sure of his feelings for me, if there was a chance that he sees me as more than a friend-specifically in a romantic way. "There could be..."
Oh boy! Way to help me get over you... However, if you really meant that you want to spend time with me while we're both here in Utah, you better be the one who sets everything up. I'm not going to beg to spend time with you.
I know you don't get it, and I don't expect you to. I just wish you would pay attention to your thoughts and feelings and trust them for once.
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