Well then... :)

Honestly, last night was one of the best nights of my life!

I met this really great guy, and I kinda feel like we hit it off really well. It's been a long time since I felt like that... Like since last February when I met my missionary friend who's now in Spain. In fact, I was fairly certain he was going to ask for my number.. But then I don't know what happened...

The only problem is that he was involved in an engagement that was recently broken off. So, I know if things happen at all with him it's going to be baby steps. Which I'm certainly ok with after my last relationship.

But I'm really hopeful for this one. I guess it helps that one of my best guy friends is friends with him, so he's totally already giving me dating advice. Haha. I was so embarrassed when I admitted an interest in him!

But whatever. Secrets don't ever help relationships. They only tear them apart. And if not tear, then they pick at the seams of a relationship, one stitch at a time until it all unravels...

I refuse to hide any secrets from the people I care for the most. And I hope they love me enough to feel the same.

My birthday is tomorrow. I'm totally celebrating by going to the Temple. I know I'll feel my family's love for me there. And my parents are going at the same time as I am, but in Utah. Oh, how certain I am that something wonderful that defies all words will happen in that sacred place tomorrow morning!!!

Yes, I wouldn't spend my birthday any other way than serving those wonderful people who have come before me, and are now anxiously awaiting the ordinances necessary unto eternal life and salvation!!! How wonderful it will be in the day that we meet again-when all the work shall be finished and we worship together at the Savior's feet!!!

My heart is so full of love right now. I'm so grateful for my experiences here in Texas-my life would be a lot darker than it is now if I hadn't come!!!

That moment, when you realize you like someone...

... but they like your best friend? Yeah, that sucks.

I went on two dates this past week, one with a guy I like, the other with someone I had never met before. The latter one flopped. The former one was decent, but I had to tell him off because things seemed awkward. No matter that I like him.

Whatevs though. I shouldn't get my hopes up with anyone here. I'm leaving soon. And however much I can see myself with someone here... I'm only half of what a relationship takes. And if the guys I'm interested in aren't interested in me, then who am I to hold onto nothing? No, I know I deserve someone who takes my breath away, and, likewise, I take his away. I deserve someone who treats me like a queen because he cares about me that much. And sometimes, I feel like both these guys treat me that way. And other times, it's obvious they don't care.

So I'm moving on. Wish me luck.

I feel like I should post something

I'm must not sure what that something should be.

I caught up with an old friend yesterday. And I was kinda asking myself the entire time why he and I never dated. Whatevs though.

I haven't seen the Strippling Warrior in over a week now because of work and Mother's Day. Sad. But whatevs. Maybe I'm not supposed to even give him a chance.

No, I really don't believe that. Especially since, when I close my eyes sometimes, I can see him with me, at my house in Utah. Is that weird? I think it may be.

So... Yeah. Idk what to do, so I'm putting all of my trust in Heavenly Father. I know as long as I keep His commandments, he'll lead me where I need to be.

Well...

I'm moving back to Utah. Mid July.

Yeah, that totally made up my mind.

So, tonight, after going to the temple, I had a nice long chat with some of the girls in my ward about the two guys I like. I finally found out how old the one who stood me up is (28, just like I guessed), and I've found my interest in him dwindling, especially after everything they told me about him. He seems rather arrogant and full of himself with all the stuff he's put some people through. He's an attorney though... Does this surprise me? Not so much.

When I told them about the other guy, they had nothing bad to say about him. And, in all honesty, I'm surprised more people aren't attracted to him the way I am attracted to him. He's seriously everything I've ever looked for as far as I've been able to tell. I seriously think my code name for him may be Strippling Warrior. It sounds much better than Prince  Charming. I don't think I've been giving him a fair chance. That will change though. Most especially this Saturday, when I see him at the HOLI festival of colors. :)

Oh, and I kinda went on an impromptu date with my home teacher last night. At least, it seemed that way.

A month

So, a lot has happened over the past month. That guy never did try to make things up to me, oh well. He's being friendly enough to me. At least, he was very friendly and attentive to me on the beach. But that was one time out of two I've seen him since then, and the first time, all we did was make eye contact. I know he's a really nice guy, but things are going too slow with him.

Besides, I'm 98% certain someone else likes me. Yeah, it just happens to be the guy I was flirting with the day I was stood up. He pulled me side at church one day and told me I needed to go to fhe the next day. I said that I know I'd been slacking, but I've been working and haven't been able to go, and that I felt like it had been months since I've gone. "Three weeks," was his response. A girl that was nearby said,  "Wow! You REALLY pay attention!" He blushed as he responded with, "I know my people. She's one of my people."

I honestly don't know how I feel about his attentions to me. If I could define how I see him, I would say he is totally what I always thought a Strippling Warrior would be like.

But I'm afraid.

I think I'm ok with liking the guy that stood me up because there's little chance of him ever returning my feelings for him, because he's THAT far out of my league.

But with this guy... If I like him... There's an honest chance for progression.

And that terrifies me.

I think it's because of what happened with Mike. I'm afraid because things went so quickly with him, and ended up so wrong, that I'll make the same mistake again, but go through with it.

And my dreams won't be shattered with the first guy, because I've come to terms that he's so far out of my league. Or have I?

No, I really haven't. I'm still hopeful things still work out somehow with him, but doubtful that they will. He was just the first guy to even remotely turn my head after I moved, and it's been difficult to try to turn it back. I know I haven't succeeded yet, and I'm not sure that I want to succeed. Why should I go after someone who I don't feel that strongly attracted to?

I don't know.

There's a lot I need to figure out. I hope my trip to the temple tomorrow helps me figure things out.

Hey Aunt Jess... What should I do?

So, I was supposed to go on a date last night with this guy I've had a crush on for a couple of weeks now. When he didn't show up to fhe, I sent him a message apologizing if I had offended him, and asking him why he wasn't at fhe, and asking if he had forgotten about our date, just out of curiosity.

"omg! I accidently forgot and went to my ward's fhe tonight. I really apologize. Sorry about that."

Alright, whatevs. I told him I was stuck at the church without a car... No response. Whatevs. I'm hurt, and I get a ride home with my friend, Sharise.

I sent him another message that evening telling him a simple no would have been easier to take over being stood up, and that I was really hurt. I also told him I wasn't upset, which is really the truth.

I was expecting to cry a ton last night. I didn't shed a tear. I was really surprised.

This morning brought his reply: "It was an honest mistake. I simply forgot. I would never want to hurt you. I am sorry."

Now I'm conflicted. I'm fairly certain that even though he hasn't said anything about it yet, he's going to try to make it up to me, if I haven't already dealt too harshly with him.

Do I let him? He's a very kind person, as far as I've been able to observe. I believe him, that he forgot. But it's obvious I'm not all that important to him, since he forgot about our date...

I'm very conflicted right now over this situation.

Maybe it was a good thing he wasn't there last night though. I was flirting with someone else for most of the evening (maybe to take my mind off the fact he didn't show, I don't really know). In fact, it got to the point where I was fairly certain the guy I was flirting with was about to ask me out. Instead, the question he asked me was, "Have you ever thought about going on a mission?"

That's also been on my mind recently. I want to go again. I really have the desire to go. But I don't know that I can overcome my health issues.

Then, I sit down at the computer and pull up new.familysearch.org and I spend a few minutes trying to make sure everyone I know of that's living is accounted for, before I start searching for my dead.

I think of my experience at the Temple today, and how I was the ONLY one who showed up to do baptisms this morning, and how the dear Sister told me how I made their day by simply being there.

I think of what it says in my Patriarchal Blessing about the work I need to accomplish in the Temple.

And then, a voice comes to comes to me quietly, and says that my mission is in the Temple. It is just as important as going out in the world to bring others to the gospel, because it is freeing the dead-those who cannot do their own work-from their dark prison.

I'm conflicted over a few things right now. But at least I know I'm on the right path. I just wish I knew what to do.