I have to talk to him every single day or I get this way. And not just once, I have to carry on an actual conversation with him, even if I have to pull at straws to keep the conversation going.
How am I ever going to survive if he's deployed?
I was so looking forward to May, because it meant I would get to see him, but the USAF is changing our plans.
He was picked for deployment back in November, and it was supposed to take place sometime early this year. Then, in December, it was postponed. And while it's not officially back on yet, there are rumors. I don't want the rumors to be true.
I want to see him in both May and September, and maybe even in July if I can swing it.
Why is it so difficult for us to be together? Why am I so attracted to him that I can't stand not talking to him?
Why do I want the fairytale I wrote concerning us to be true?
I want him to love me, and when I confronted him about how confused I am at his words, he said, "I'm not sure what I'm thinking. But I can't say that I'm not trying to see you in a romantic light."
Freak. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let him do it to me?
I know why. I love him. And I can't stop loving him, no matter how hard I try.
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