I want to be watching some television episodes that I'm behind on. I think. I'm not entirely sure, because television has let me down recently. In fact, I haven't watched much television since my nephews made me watch 14 episodes of Scooby-Doo, in a row, only to do it again for half of a week straight.
I should be in bed. I have a nail appointment tomorrow morning... I don't know how long I will keep my nails up. I think I'm going to be a fill model and then I will probably get them removed. Or file them down and break them off. Or simply let them grow out. Anywho, I shouldn't be on here.
I've been thinking a lot recently (I know, scary, isn't it?). While I'm not happy with my situation, I am happy with my life so far. And it's been hard for me to come to that conclusion. A lot has been happening with my life. And while I consider this blog to almost be a journal of mine, I won't go into detail about the events that have happened. I've been frustrated. I've cried. Things I don't like doing. But I am happy.
It's been difficult to put things into proper perspective, because I feel like I've been swimming through murky waters. Which is ironic, because I hate swimming. Well, not hate. I don't like to swim when I'm around people because I don't like the way I look in a swimsuit. Which will hopefully change as soon as I start P90X. Anyway, I had some wise council last night: What is the most pressing matter? Think about that, then think about how soon it will really create havoc in your life. Then, you'll realize that it's not as bad as it seems. While it may be hard, it will only cause us pain if we let it. And even then, Isaiah 53:4-5 states,
"Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed."
I have always loved those words. Why do we fight with ourselves to come closer to our Savior? Why is it so difficult for us to want to be healed? I know why. Mosiah 3:19 states,
"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."
I used to think that I was being boastful when I would pass off all of the scripture mastery scriptures in Seminary. I never thought that those scriptures would come to me in the moment I need them most. My Heavenly Father truly loves me. I'm trying. I know I'm not perfect. I don't say any of these things to boast. I say them so that I can organize my thoughts and become a better person by doing so.
I've been worried about dating. Why? Because I haven't had the best experiences in my life, and, who knows? Maybe I'll have the chance to in my new ward. But I won't worry anymore. If the men from the single's ward like me, they'll ask me out. If not, oh well. I know who I am, and if the men of the single's ward don't realize who I am, then they don't deserve me. I am an O, rolling along, as happy as can be. And thank you, my dear friend Mandy for helping me realize who I am.
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